The Graduate's Wife | Married to a Grad Student | Home Says Hello

Some women have husbands who are terminally ill; some women have husbands who travel a lot for work, or get deployed to far off places in the world. Some women have husbands who cheat on them, or abandon them, or hit them. I am not a woman with a husband like this.

I have a husband who is gentle.

Some people may tell you this is an insignificant quality, but this is a quality that encompasses so much more than a word. This is a quality that really says, there is no way to describe the goodness within him. He is quiet and reserved, slow to anger, and thoughtful in his words. He will always smile, always greet people with kindness and never search their words for alternate meanings. He trusts and battles the obstacles within his life.

But I also have a husband who is smart. To know the mind of my husband, is to know one of the mysteries of life. It is ever absorbing, ever growing, ever illuminating. However, he has to fight, on a daily basis, a desire for knowledge; this thirst is so great in him, that it can become the greatest disillusion in his life.

He will lay down his life for the greatest thinkers in his institution, the ones who may tell him he isn't worthy, he isn't smart enough, he isn't fast enough.

I have a husband who is also a Physics grad student.

And so, I struggle to be noticed in the quiet of the evenings, or the slowness of the weekends. He is either away at school, or away in his mind.

To be the wife of a grad student requires a delicate balance of patience and stubbornness:

  • I am so proud of my husband and so in awe of his determination and perseverance.
  •  I am heartbroken to see him weary with exhaustion, fighting to be a husband, a homeowner, a friend, a son, a brother, and a student. 
  • I am jealous of the year he took off in between switching fields of study, when he could leave work at the office.
  • I am ashamed of my demands for his time.
  • I am broken when he struggles to find a time to pencil me in.
  • I am enraged when his university abandons him, cheats him, or belittles him.
  • I am elated when he puts his textbooks aside just to look into my eyes. 
  • I am hopeful that our love transcends the university, the pursuit of knowledge, and rests in the hands of God.

I am the wife of a Grad student, but more importantly, I am the wife of a man is the hardest worker I've ever known, the wife of a man who loves the Lord and battles to learn for the glory of Him, inspite of the tempation to learn for the glory of Science.


Have you experienced (or are currently experiencing) being married to a grad student? I'd love to hear more about your story. If you would like to connect with someone experiencing this same season of life, or if you have any encouragement or advice to share, feel free to email me at christina.elyse[at]


  1. Wow this post is so powerful! Your words honestly gave me chills, I totally thought of my husband when you talked about your husband's personality and how he's slow to anger. I was fortunate to marry him when he was finishing grad school. He however endured it with me. I pray that God will see your marriage through this time and honor you through your perseverance to connect with your husband even in this busy time.

    1. I think it's great that you guys have supported each other through schooling. I have so much to learn (even though we've gone through this all before) about supporting Matt in his academics while also maintaining a relationship in which he is present, if that makes sense.

      Thank you so much for your kind words and prayers. I'm also glad that I found your blog!

  2. i love this post :)
    i can understand where your husband is coming from; i finished grad school in May while working at my full-time job and it isn't easy.
    and physics is no joke. it's good to know there is someone supporting the decisions you make and it helps you push through all of the crap when things go bad.

    1. Oh wow! I admire your ability to work full-time AND go to grad school!

      While I may pout at times and grieve for time with Matt, he also knows I'm definitely there making sure he doesn't give up. We've gone through so much to get him to this point in his academic career. He knows giving up is not an option!


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